One has to wonder what the late [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] would make of the sexually explicit world now available to young teens, both for viewing andexperiencing. While HGB spent her life encouraging woman to "[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]" even she may wonder if we've gone too far when it comes to "[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]."
NY Times reporter KJ Dell'Antonia raised a similar issue in a recent [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] column, posing the question to [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.], "How do you steer a teenager away from the worst porn?" As our children head back to school and their computers, it isn't just homework that will pop up on their screens.
Her article focuses on the quandary faced by parents of adolescent kids — sons, in specific — as they deal with their inevitable exposure to Internet [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]. She acknowledges that they are likely to explore "what's out there, on their own or in the company of friends," just as most of us did when we were their age. The issue Dell'Antonia raises is less about exposure to porn — we survived those hidden centerfolds, didn't we? — but rather how to deal with access to what she calls "the wrong kind" of porn.
Dell'Antonia writes, "It's every bit as easy for a boy looking for the Internet equivalent ofPlayboy to come across something that, to put it delicately, is an even more distorted representation of sex and the female [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] than that august publication, and is neither accurate nor healthy." What's out there has changed dramatically over the past 20 years, she writes, and is moving in a disturbing direction that may require additional parental attention.
An interesting challenge facing parents, but one that made me wonder not only about the "right" versus "wrong kind" of porn, but about how our young daughters fit into this discussion. How does the changing landscape of "what's out there" influence the way young girls view their own maturing bodies? And, maybe even more worrisome, does it shape their perspective on what is arousing to others?
Teenage girls generally tend to be less fascinated with pornography than with heart-throbbing romance — think Twilight — yet clearly they have equal access to sexually explicit imagery (owed, in part, to the efforts of HGB and her cohorts). And while [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] than did previous ones, exposure to it influences girls in ways that are different than boys.
I believe the distorted, enhanced imagery burdens teenage girls with unrealistic expectations about [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and with damaging ideas about what is attractive and sexually appealing to others. From the perfect waif-like models in teen magazines to the perfectly voluptuous ones on internet porn, the common theme is that these body shapes are unrealistic and unattainable. Consequently, when it comes to young females, the question better asked may be, "How do we steer our teenage girls away from distorted images of women, not only in porn, but in the media in general?"
In "[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]," I wrote about a growing movement — started by Baby Boomer women, but joined increasing by their teenage daughters — pushing toward authentic imagery in the media. In another post, "[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]," I described how overuse of airbrushing and non-stop exposure to digitally altered photos has contributed to the current epidemic of [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] among young girls.
A recent survey in Glamour [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] that 97 percent of the young girls surveyed are critical of their bodies and have an average of 13 negative body thoughts each day. By the time they reach college age, [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] of young women are already suffering from disordered eating. I wonder what statistics would reveal about how teenage girls feel about sexual attractiveness? What percentage do you imagine view their bodies as appealing to others — a different question than the one about how they see themselves. With the number of teens lining up for cosmetic surgery before entering high school and college, the answer seems clear — too many.
Back to the boys for a minute: If adolescent boys grow up regularly aroused by images of women with enhanced bodies — whether through Photoshop or cosmetic surgery — is it possible their expectations will continue into their real relationships? Will they not only expect their mates to look and feel like the porn stars they watch, but expect them to have the same kind of insatiable interest in sex? Willing to do anything and everything, while looking beautiful doing it? Won't everyday adolescent girls — turned sexually active young women — feel undue pressure to measure up? And when they can't meet these expectations, will it undermine their already fragile [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]?
So [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] raised by Dell'Antonia in Motherlode is this: We need to help our teens understand distortion in the media — pornographic and elsewhere — in order to stay grounded in reality. With girls, it is especially important to help them distinguish between airbrushed models and authentic beautiful women (along the lines of the efforts by [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]). We need to remind them more than ever that in our youth- and beauty-obsessed culture, perfectly shaped bodies and faces are media-driven illusions and place unrealistic standards that undermine [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].
And, when it comes to the distortions portrayed by porn, it's no different. Sure, the 'sex talk' may never be comfortable between parents and their kids — teens naturally [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]away from most serious discussions, let alone this particular one — but distortions in the media should be part of the conversation.
Talk to them — yes, both girls and boys — about the enhanced images and videos that they will inevitably be exposed to. Tell them that pornography is like false [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.], the goal being to sell and market products, not necessarily to convey truth and honesty. Remind them that while they may enjoy what they see, they need to become [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]consumers — informed and educated about what is real and not — in order to make safe and smart choices as adults.
One of the most refreshing things about the [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] — while highly graphic and out there sexually — is that the male and female stars are not only far from perfect physically, they don't even seem to care that much. Perhaps, from a certain perspective, writer and producer Lena Dunham is leading teens toward what might be called "politically correct porn," a healthier, more realistic vision of [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] that in the future may support, rather than undermine, their [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.].
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